It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
