I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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