he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
