and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i believe in u and ur pee
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
