you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
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You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
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You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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