Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
