TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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