Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
