my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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