Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
