I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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