Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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