You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
