I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
