Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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