he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
