The best revenge is premature balding
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Everything about him screamed your future.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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