some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
