remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
