i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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