Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
