Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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