I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
