ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
