my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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