It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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