The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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