that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
