Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
