I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
