Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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