they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
