I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
