I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
