So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
