I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Barsexuality is the new black.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Randomize
