If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
