The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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