Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
