I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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