So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
