it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
