If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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