Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
