I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
