Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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