What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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