That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
the condom got lost in my hair
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
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Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
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Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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