My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
