hell yes lets make some ravioli
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You should frame my arrest warrant.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
