Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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