This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
