Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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