He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
