I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
