I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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