worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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