Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
