"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
