I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
