i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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