i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
