in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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