I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
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I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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