i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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