I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
