I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
