thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
