Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
