so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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