the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
