My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
