Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
