I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I need water and some morals
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
