girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
